Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
