Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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