I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
is that a dick in a sweater?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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