Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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