theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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