my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
