I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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