Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
