1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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