Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
