i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
