remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Me too!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
