Please, let me fuck your mom
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
