just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
