I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
