this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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