Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
