Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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