i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
