I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
