I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
