By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
