sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost the right to judge tonight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
