sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
