i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
