my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
