I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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