you guys were way drunker than both of me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
