ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize