That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
