My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
