I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
