I wanna bring you to show and tell
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
