i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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