I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
