hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
