i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
