oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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