It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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