he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
