Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
