Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
