Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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You. Win. At. Life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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