I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
