we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
