me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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