I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
