He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
