I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
