Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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