Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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