So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
