i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
