I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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