My first STD was from a foam party
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize