Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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