so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
