It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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