I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need water and some morals
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
