My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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