Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
