We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
