did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
