dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
