tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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