she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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