His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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