she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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