I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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