I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
