im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
