I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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