I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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