guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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