So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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