im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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