does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The feeling are messing with the penis
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
