our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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