i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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