This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
