Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize