ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
